Christmas Eve, yay.

It's been a while. Here's what's been going on.
My hours were cut at Target so I had to take extra shifts at Just Fresh. After my years of managing restaurants just being a peon and watching all the stupid shit people do is NOT easy. I got through it because I had to but hated it the entire time. Still like 15 hours short for the week though.
This week I got my hours back at Target. I worked 10pm-7:30am Sunday, Monday and Tuesday....today is Wednesday right ? So each morning I crawled into bed at 8 am or so and got woke up by some kind of child related noise after a few hours. I have slept a total of approx. ten hours in four days. I tried to nap a couple of times while they were napping and I couldn't fall asleep. This Friday night I work 10pm-6:30am at Target and Saturday morning 7:30am-3pm at Just Fresh. Shit. I didn't even realize what happened until yesterday. I'm going to try and swap to Saturday night. When I mentioned this to my mother she seemed to not understand why this was a problem for me. Did I mention I hate people ? Apparently she thinks that killing myself is no big deal.


Christmas presents. I mentioned here and there that I did not have money to shop for my kids and a few very awesome people bought them gifts. I loaded up my car twice this week and I'm actually excited now that I have gifts for them.
Chance has been wound up like a top for at least a week. He and his Papa made two heavy duty step stools for the girls to climb into bed. He says they made them out of heavy wood so they could pick them up and use them to climb on everything else in the room. We shall see. They are painted, one pink and one purple, with there names. Pics to follow. Tonight he insisted that I help him bake fresh cookies for Santa. They could NOT be store bought or even the one my mom made. He wanted them to come from his own hand. We made the peanut butter ones with a kiss in the middle. He did an awesome job. Finally got the cookies, milk and carrots out around 10:30. He is one excited little boy. The best part is he didn't ask for anything specific for Christmas. He's excited to see what he will get. He trusts Santa, lol. I told him that if he waked up and it's still dark that's a sign that it's too early. hehe. I explained to the girls again this year. While they are definitely loving the idea of getting presents and their stockings filled, the idea of a stranger coming into the house.....not liking that so much, lol.

There will be NO visitors to my area of the house tomorrow. I have not had time to do any cleaning in over a week and my kids are INSANELY messy. I can't have people seeing my place a wreck, I go mental. Even if it's family. So, I'll be locking the doors. There's no time left for me to clean up and I don't have the energy or will power if there was.

The girls birthday is this Sunday and Chance's in two weeks. I won't be able to do any kind of party this year. I hope Chance will understand. Last year we did the bowling thing which cost me an arm and a leg but I made it work. This year there is no way. I can't even afford US going bowling.

Well, I have to get up and get to gift wrapping. Maybe I'll get more than 4 hours sleep tonight if I hurry....

Beginning to feel a lot like Christmas......not.

I took the kids to Santa's Bag last night.http://www.wfae.org/wfae/17_66_94.cfm?cat=17&subcat=66&subsub=94&action=detail&id=2411 It has become a tradition for Chance and I. This is the first time the girls participated and they did great. It's a little weird that your kids don't mind walking off with a stranger but hey, they did great. I'm sure Kristen, who came along with Jacob, is once again very glad she only has one kid, lol. We rode the light rail to uptown. The ride there was pretty nice, no tantrums. On the way back everyone was tired and it was fairly crowed, I was stressed because it was almost 8pm, we hadn't had dinner yet and I had to get up for work at 3am. Sooo, the ride back I could have done without. I was happy to see the car at the end of the ride. Dinner with 2 tired out 2 year old....well, you can imagine. We arrived home at 15 minutes to 10. I washed them up, put them in bed and crashed. I'm glad I took them, next time maybe not so late or maybe not the rail. I like having traditions that the kids can look forward to, things they will remember they're older.

Hopefully this weekend I will get the tree up. And *hopefully* it will help me get in the mood. Something about being negative in the bank, a pile of bills and 8 hours on the schedule next week bringing me down....wonder why, hmmm. Oh, on top of all that I have my mother to deal with. She thinks she is the only one in the world with problems and is constantly pushing my buttons. Good times.

I was supposed to go out this Saturday. I asked off Sunday morning. But, they scheduled me anyway and I am going to have to work. I just can't lose anymore money and definitely can't spend anymore.

Dammit ! I told myself before I started this blog it was to blog about something else besides money.

Kristen took a pic of the kids with Santa so hopefully she will send it to me soon and I'll put it up.

until then here is one of Mr.Chance. He started Tae Kwon Do on Monday. It hurt like hell to pay $100 but I got a great deal. I don't have to pay again until March when the new studio opens so, I sucked it up and shelled it out. I don't know if it will cause a ripple effect but it's done so....whatever. The kids doesn't go anywhere.

Here it is :

getting by

That's all I'm trying to do. I don't want to think too much about what I have or don't have. I don't want to think about the bills until it's payday. I'm trying to stay focused on the kids and enjoying being home when I'm not at work. It's hard to be at Target all day everyday, seeing all of the things that I'd love to buy for Christmas gifts and the cute clothes, shoes, etc. All the people Christmas shopping. I keep telling myself it's stuff that they don't "need"...I just feel like a failure. No matter what else has happened I've always been able to get by. I've never felt this out of control before. I guess that's what 6 months of being laid off will do. I did get my car back. I've never seen a $700 paycheck come and go so fast. I wish I could get all of this stress behind me. Trying to get caught up during Christmas sucks and the kid's birthdays all within 2 weeks of Christmas. bah humbug.

Okay, enough of that non-sense. I said I was trying not to think about it too much, damn.
Chance is going through the newspaper cutting out pictures of things he likes and things he wants to buy for his family. He's so cute and sweet. I told him Santa requested coffee instead of milk, lmao !!

I am hoping to get the tree up soon, make it feel more festive around here. I think it may actually SNOW this year. How cool would that be ?!

Gas is $1.87 a gallon. It's awesome but I'm wondering when the other shoe is going to drop and it jumps back up to $3.00+

I'm going out next Saturday night. My first show. I guess I should have asked if I have to pay to get in and how much. Shit. I asked off Sunday morning so I have to work Sunday night then 4am Monday morning at Target....why does everything I type turn gloomy ?

After I run out of the laundry detergent I bought during triple coupons I am going to try making my own. I've been told you can make a month's worth for $1.00 !

I'm barely keeping in touch with anyone lately. It seems though that the people I have left in my life are the kind that you don't talk to for weeks at a time but, you know they are there and they care about you. That's a good feeling. I just hope they know I am thinking of them and miss them dearly.....Do you ? Huh ? hehe.

I don't know what else to talk about.

I cleaned the girls' room on Tuesday. Top to bottom, took out tons of old babyish toys that they never play with and put them in two big bags to donate. I moved their furniture around, decorated the walls with some "princess" wall stickers from the Dollar Tree, dusted, vacuumed, scrubbed, etc. Got home from work today and the room as torn apart. *sigh* They got into the closets and drawers while my brother was "watching" them. I didn't feel like dealing with it. Chance picked up most of the stuff for me. When I put them in for a nap he and I watched a movie and looked through the sale ads together. He helps so much with them sometimes I feel bad asking him to do anything for me. He's only six for goodness sake.

OMG! I almost forget to mention this. I was at Target this morning at 4 am. Two hours before the store opened. I was hoping to avoid any of the chaos since my tasks all took place off the sales floor. At about five minutes to six I had to put a few missing signs out. I was in the toy dept. when they opened the doors and saw people RUNNING to the toy/electronics dept. I couldn't BELIEVE that anyone would need any toy or device bad enough to RUN into a store at 6am. It was a sight, let me tell ya.

The girls are into all things princess *barf* I think Olivia is really into it and Sophia just goes along with her. Sophia is more into her stuffed animals and stuff like that. The problem is since Chance was not into princess movies I only have one. Cinderella. I bought it over a year ago when it was "out of the vault for a limited time". They have watched it (in my mind) 5000 times. I am desperate to acquire another princess movie, lol. My brother rented Tinkerbell for them but it just couldn't hold up to Cinderella *rolls eyes* Did I mention I was hoping for another boy ? *smacks hand*.....LOVE my little Princesses ! *GRIN*

I just explained "the Clapper" to Chance and he wants to ask Santa for one. He's stoked, lmao.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving !

I am thankful for the health and happiness of my three wonderful kids.

so yeah....

My car was repoed on Wednesday night. I didn't find out until I walked outside at 3:30 in the morning on Thursday. The events following were a fiasco. I had no notice so I was distraught to say the least. I thought my car had been stolen. I've never had anything like this happen before. blah.
The thing is I make enough money now to cover all of my bills. I fell behind because of a series of unfortunate events. Things that probably could have been avoided. I guess I need to turn in my Supermommy cape. *rolls eyes*
The company that holds my lien was super-cool when I talked to them today. Gave me a great deal of sympathy and help that I didn't expect. I still won't have the money until I get paid on the 21st so I'm not sure what I'm going to do for transportation. I hate feeling helpless.
So all in all, after dealing with the initial shock and awe I think I'm dealing with it pretty well. I just feel like it's not going to solve anything if I worry and beat myself up. I had the choice between paying a car payment or rent payment on Friday and I chose rent because my mom was hounding me and really needed it.
I don't know what happened yesterday though. I feel like the universe was totally against me. The car thing, shitty day at work, Chance's laptop crashed and I woke up after 2 hours sleep with a wicked toothache.
Now that I think about it yesterday was just a continuation of a pretty horrible week (see previous blog)

I think Christmas is going to be a bust this year. I can't afford to get anything I want for the kids. Their birthdays being 3 days and 2 weeks after Christmas makes it even harder.

Oh, I solved the problem with being short of hours at Target. I am taking three cashier shifts so bring me to 40 hours. I've been working 55-65 hours consistently for what...four weeks now ? I wonder when it will start adding up *shrug*

Okay, I've got to get these girls in bed. They are shredding my patience with the high pitched screeching. I work at 7-3 all weekend and I have to get a my mom to give me a ride tomorrow. Fun stuff.

Milestones

wow, it has been 10 days since I last blogged. I have done nothing but sleep (very little), work (very hard) and be a mommy (ahhhhh). I never even had time to sign up for NaNoWriMo, sorry Joelie :( But ! Enough about that......


I am happy to report that my girls have hit two milestones this week *drum roll*

#1) On Monday afternoon I returned home from work to find that Miss Sophia had trimmed her on bangs. If that is not horrifying enough how about the fact that out of the three people home with her - my Dad, brother and son - NONE of them knew that she had done it or that she had access to scissors. Free childcare at it's best.
#2) This very afternoon I returned home from work to find that while the SAME 3 people were home with the girls they took all of the bins from their toy storage shelf, stacked them together and used them as a step stool to climb up and reach the small closet that I stored their crayons and coloring books. Took out the crayons and proceed to scribble all over their freshly painted Sunshine Yellow bedroom walls, the floor, bed rails, bookshelf, etc, etc. Not only did my brother not know what had happened when I got home but Chance who did know what they had done didn't even take the crayons away ! Ugh.

Well, the Magic Eraser did the trick. I'm not finished though. I haven't been getting much of anything done around here lately. I've been washing clothes but not folding and putting them away. I have about 4 loads sitting in my living room calling my name. After I made the girls help clean part of the wall I fed them lunch and took them outside to play. There just aren't enough hours in the day to be a good housekeeper, mommy, cook, playmate, etc. and work a full time and part time job.

I had a nice conversation with a lady at work today about my kids. People just assume that I am divorced or whatever. We started talking while we were working and I told her that I had my kids using a donor and all that. She thought it was super cool and that I am brave women, lol. Most women think it's a great thing and ask tons of questions, most men hate the idea. hehe, I wonder why.

okay, off to put my ducks in a row so I can get the girls to bed early and then myself :) Chance went to dinner with Grandma and Grandpa and I am taking advantage. Hopefully if all goes well I will get an extra hours sleep.

Later !! XOXO

can't talk now.....

folks, I have just wrapped up a very long weekend. I worked 7-3 Saturday morning, 12am-8:30am Saturday night/Sunday morning then 9am-2pm Sunday afternoon and I have to sleep now so I can get up and be back at Target at 10 pm. Thank GOD when I get off at 8:30 tomorrow morning I don't have anywhere else to go except home. On the other hand there is SO much to do here I may go nuts.....nah, I'm chillin' for the day. It'll wait. I'll be back soon.....

Sleep ?

First I want to say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER !!!
I'm sorry I won't see you this weekend but I'm thinking about you and I hope you had a great birthday. We will celebrate soon !!

This is going to be short because I'm pooped.
Tomorrow I work at Just Fresh from 7am-6pm *rolls eyes* I'm actually rolling my eyes at myself, if that's at all possible. I asked for extra hours. Tomorrow is day 10 of working non-stop with no end in sight. I've been getting to bed a little earlier, around 9:30pm. Tuesday I was so tired and sick (sinuses) that I crashed at 9. Still, that's only 6 hours sleep at the most and it's like I never stop moving anymore. Blah.
So 9 days into working my ass off and I picked up my check today at Target for.....wait for it......$160! Shit. I'm 2 car payments behind, my insurance was sue on the 20Th and I owe my mom 2 months rent,which she needs badly and keeps reminding me of. I feel like crying but it's not going to change anything so I think I'll save the energy.
So back to work started out great. I remember how much I loved working at Target before all of the backstabbing, pettiness and bullshit made me hate it. Actually, when I worked at PCA I was so bored most of the time I wasted to slam my head in the file cabinet so I don't know why I remember it so differently now. I get to work at 4am and next thing I know it's 7. the 8 hours go really fast and I get the rest of the day at home with the kids. It's pretty great. Just Fresh is a little harder to handle because I am working longer days and there is less work to do. They don't stay busy and the day drags on.
Coupons! They are my new hobby. I've been couponing for a couple of months now and it's really fun. I saved $90 and $60 at Bilo in two days along with getting enough gas tokens for a $25 gift card and 3 Turkey tokens,lol. Eh, It give me something to do besides worry all the time.
Crap, I just realized Halloween is in like a week and I haven't done anything about the girls' costumes. They are going to be black "Kitties" I thought it would be an easy costume to make myself. They already have black leotards and tights. Chance, I don't have to worry about him this year. He wants to dress as a construction worker and he is handling his costume.

Okay, I guess this really wasn't short. If I stop typing I'll have to get up...
I think I'm going to have some hot tea. Reshelving/stocking merchandise is murdering my allergies.

Oh, Joelie I was thinking about you at work the other day when I came across these in the aisle I was working on. Lol.
(copy&paste)http://www.amazon.com/Aroma-Sam-Cooking-Dual%252dFlip-Grill/dp/B000UWINO8
you have to look closely but at the bottom it says:
6 individual Raclette trays insert beneath the grill for Swiss-style fondue;