getting by

That's all I'm trying to do. I don't want to think too much about what I have or don't have. I don't want to think about the bills until it's payday. I'm trying to stay focused on the kids and enjoying being home when I'm not at work. It's hard to be at Target all day everyday, seeing all of the things that I'd love to buy for Christmas gifts and the cute clothes, shoes, etc. All the people Christmas shopping. I keep telling myself it's stuff that they don't "need"...I just feel like a failure. No matter what else has happened I've always been able to get by. I've never felt this out of control before. I guess that's what 6 months of being laid off will do. I did get my car back. I've never seen a $700 paycheck come and go so fast. I wish I could get all of this stress behind me. Trying to get caught up during Christmas sucks and the kid's birthdays all within 2 weeks of Christmas. bah humbug.

Okay, enough of that non-sense. I said I was trying not to think about it too much, damn.
Chance is going through the newspaper cutting out pictures of things he likes and things he wants to buy for his family. He's so cute and sweet. I told him Santa requested coffee instead of milk, lmao !!

I am hoping to get the tree up soon, make it feel more festive around here. I think it may actually SNOW this year. How cool would that be ?!

Gas is $1.87 a gallon. It's awesome but I'm wondering when the other shoe is going to drop and it jumps back up to $3.00+

I'm going out next Saturday night. My first show. I guess I should have asked if I have to pay to get in and how much. Shit. I asked off Sunday morning so I have to work Sunday night then 4am Monday morning at Target....why does everything I type turn gloomy ?

After I run out of the laundry detergent I bought during triple coupons I am going to try making my own. I've been told you can make a month's worth for $1.00 !

I'm barely keeping in touch with anyone lately. It seems though that the people I have left in my life are the kind that you don't talk to for weeks at a time but, you know they are there and they care about you. That's a good feeling. I just hope they know I am thinking of them and miss them dearly.....Do you ? Huh ? hehe.

I don't know what else to talk about.

I cleaned the girls' room on Tuesday. Top to bottom, took out tons of old babyish toys that they never play with and put them in two big bags to donate. I moved their furniture around, decorated the walls with some "princess" wall stickers from the Dollar Tree, dusted, vacuumed, scrubbed, etc. Got home from work today and the room as torn apart. *sigh* They got into the closets and drawers while my brother was "watching" them. I didn't feel like dealing with it. Chance picked up most of the stuff for me. When I put them in for a nap he and I watched a movie and looked through the sale ads together. He helps so much with them sometimes I feel bad asking him to do anything for me. He's only six for goodness sake.

OMG! I almost forget to mention this. I was at Target this morning at 4 am. Two hours before the store opened. I was hoping to avoid any of the chaos since my tasks all took place off the sales floor. At about five minutes to six I had to put a few missing signs out. I was in the toy dept. when they opened the doors and saw people RUNNING to the toy/electronics dept. I couldn't BELIEVE that anyone would need any toy or device bad enough to RUN into a store at 6am. It was a sight, let me tell ya.

The girls are into all things princess *barf* I think Olivia is really into it and Sophia just goes along with her. Sophia is more into her stuffed animals and stuff like that. The problem is since Chance was not into princess movies I only have one. Cinderella. I bought it over a year ago when it was "out of the vault for a limited time". They have watched it (in my mind) 5000 times. I am desperate to acquire another princess movie, lol. My brother rented Tinkerbell for them but it just couldn't hold up to Cinderella *rolls eyes* Did I mention I was hoping for another boy ? *smacks hand*.....LOVE my little Princesses ! *GRIN*

I just explained "the Clapper" to Chance and he wants to ask Santa for one. He's stoked, lmao.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving !

I am thankful for the health and happiness of my three wonderful kids.

so yeah....

My car was repoed on Wednesday night. I didn't find out until I walked outside at 3:30 in the morning on Thursday. The events following were a fiasco. I had no notice so I was distraught to say the least. I thought my car had been stolen. I've never had anything like this happen before. blah.
The thing is I make enough money now to cover all of my bills. I fell behind because of a series of unfortunate events. Things that probably could have been avoided. I guess I need to turn in my Supermommy cape. *rolls eyes*
The company that holds my lien was super-cool when I talked to them today. Gave me a great deal of sympathy and help that I didn't expect. I still won't have the money until I get paid on the 21st so I'm not sure what I'm going to do for transportation. I hate feeling helpless.
So all in all, after dealing with the initial shock and awe I think I'm dealing with it pretty well. I just feel like it's not going to solve anything if I worry and beat myself up. I had the choice between paying a car payment or rent payment on Friday and I chose rent because my mom was hounding me and really needed it.
I don't know what happened yesterday though. I feel like the universe was totally against me. The car thing, shitty day at work, Chance's laptop crashed and I woke up after 2 hours sleep with a wicked toothache.
Now that I think about it yesterday was just a continuation of a pretty horrible week (see previous blog)

I think Christmas is going to be a bust this year. I can't afford to get anything I want for the kids. Their birthdays being 3 days and 2 weeks after Christmas makes it even harder.

Oh, I solved the problem with being short of hours at Target. I am taking three cashier shifts so bring me to 40 hours. I've been working 55-65 hours consistently for what...four weeks now ? I wonder when it will start adding up *shrug*

Okay, I've got to get these girls in bed. They are shredding my patience with the high pitched screeching. I work at 7-3 all weekend and I have to get a my mom to give me a ride tomorrow. Fun stuff.

Milestones

wow, it has been 10 days since I last blogged. I have done nothing but sleep (very little), work (very hard) and be a mommy (ahhhhh). I never even had time to sign up for NaNoWriMo, sorry Joelie :( But ! Enough about that......


I am happy to report that my girls have hit two milestones this week *drum roll*

#1) On Monday afternoon I returned home from work to find that Miss Sophia had trimmed her on bangs. If that is not horrifying enough how about the fact that out of the three people home with her - my Dad, brother and son - NONE of them knew that she had done it or that she had access to scissors. Free childcare at it's best.
#2) This very afternoon I returned home from work to find that while the SAME 3 people were home with the girls they took all of the bins from their toy storage shelf, stacked them together and used them as a step stool to climb up and reach the small closet that I stored their crayons and coloring books. Took out the crayons and proceed to scribble all over their freshly painted Sunshine Yellow bedroom walls, the floor, bed rails, bookshelf, etc, etc. Not only did my brother not know what had happened when I got home but Chance who did know what they had done didn't even take the crayons away ! Ugh.

Well, the Magic Eraser did the trick. I'm not finished though. I haven't been getting much of anything done around here lately. I've been washing clothes but not folding and putting them away. I have about 4 loads sitting in my living room calling my name. After I made the girls help clean part of the wall I fed them lunch and took them outside to play. There just aren't enough hours in the day to be a good housekeeper, mommy, cook, playmate, etc. and work a full time and part time job.

I had a nice conversation with a lady at work today about my kids. People just assume that I am divorced or whatever. We started talking while we were working and I told her that I had my kids using a donor and all that. She thought it was super cool and that I am brave women, lol. Most women think it's a great thing and ask tons of questions, most men hate the idea. hehe, I wonder why.

okay, off to put my ducks in a row so I can get the girls to bed early and then myself :) Chance went to dinner with Grandma and Grandpa and I am taking advantage. Hopefully if all goes well I will get an extra hours sleep.

Later !! XOXO

can't talk now.....

folks, I have just wrapped up a very long weekend. I worked 7-3 Saturday morning, 12am-8:30am Saturday night/Sunday morning then 9am-2pm Sunday afternoon and I have to sleep now so I can get up and be back at Target at 10 pm. Thank GOD when I get off at 8:30 tomorrow morning I don't have anywhere else to go except home. On the other hand there is SO much to do here I may go nuts.....nah, I'm chillin' for the day. It'll wait. I'll be back soon.....

Sleep ?

First I want to say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER !!!
I'm sorry I won't see you this weekend but I'm thinking about you and I hope you had a great birthday. We will celebrate soon !!

This is going to be short because I'm pooped.
Tomorrow I work at Just Fresh from 7am-6pm *rolls eyes* I'm actually rolling my eyes at myself, if that's at all possible. I asked for extra hours. Tomorrow is day 10 of working non-stop with no end in sight. I've been getting to bed a little earlier, around 9:30pm. Tuesday I was so tired and sick (sinuses) that I crashed at 9. Still, that's only 6 hours sleep at the most and it's like I never stop moving anymore. Blah.
So 9 days into working my ass off and I picked up my check today at Target for.....wait for it......$160! Shit. I'm 2 car payments behind, my insurance was sue on the 20Th and I owe my mom 2 months rent,which she needs badly and keeps reminding me of. I feel like crying but it's not going to change anything so I think I'll save the energy.
So back to work started out great. I remember how much I loved working at Target before all of the backstabbing, pettiness and bullshit made me hate it. Actually, when I worked at PCA I was so bored most of the time I wasted to slam my head in the file cabinet so I don't know why I remember it so differently now. I get to work at 4am and next thing I know it's 7. the 8 hours go really fast and I get the rest of the day at home with the kids. It's pretty great. Just Fresh is a little harder to handle because I am working longer days and there is less work to do. They don't stay busy and the day drags on.
Coupons! They are my new hobby. I've been couponing for a couple of months now and it's really fun. I saved $90 and $60 at Bilo in two days along with getting enough gas tokens for a $25 gift card and 3 Turkey tokens,lol. Eh, It give me something to do besides worry all the time.
Crap, I just realized Halloween is in like a week and I haven't done anything about the girls' costumes. They are going to be black "Kitties" I thought it would be an easy costume to make myself. They already have black leotards and tights. Chance, I don't have to worry about him this year. He wants to dress as a construction worker and he is handling his costume.

Okay, I guess this really wasn't short. If I stop typing I'll have to get up...
I think I'm going to have some hot tea. Reshelving/stocking merchandise is murdering my allergies.

Oh, Joelie I was thinking about you at work the other day when I came across these in the aisle I was working on. Lol.
(copy&paste)http://www.amazon.com/Aroma-Sam-Cooking-Dual%252dFlip-Grill/dp/B000UWINO8
you have to look closely but at the bottom it says:
6 individual Raclette trays insert beneath the grill for Swiss-style fondue;

Working

I worked the second job today. It was pretty uneventful. I told the manager I wanted to work double shifts on Saturday and Sunday (to leave my weekdays after Target open to be with the kids)and he was quite happy with that. Seems they needed a strong weekend person. That means I'll get 25-30 hours in two days plus 40 hours at Target.That's $660 gross a week. Not bad...If I don't DIE, lol.

So here's my predicament. If you are reading this and know the answer please tell me !

When I go online to ncesc.com on Sunday night it asks me if I have worked, if I have earned money, how much, etc. If I answer no I get my money deposited on Monday morning. If I say no this week because I worked I won't get money on Monday morning. BUT, I won't get money from either job for two weeks! So, do I answer that I made money when I actually get a check or do I manually calculate/estimate my earnings and enter it ? If it's the latter I'm screwed. My car insurance is due next week and my account is on the verge of being in the red.

I'm trying to look on the bright side, really I am. Once I get my first check things should start rolling along smoothly. But the bank taking $100 from me and the state garnishing my account for my car tax (that was only a couple of months late, what happened to charging interest ?) pushed me to the edge. I'm trying not to teeter over.

I'm going out tomorrow night with the girls. I've never been to a Haunted House, don't like being scared. But, I SO need to get out and I don't want to miss another chance to hang out with these wonderful ladies. I might be quite worthless when I get to work Sunday morning. Lots and lots of coffee I reckon.

Okay, I'm cutting this short because my introspective juices are just not flowing.

Oh, on a side note. Olivia had two more episodes for my dad ;) and a fever when I got home Thursday. I think she picked up a bug in FL. Probably from drinking half the pool. She's okay now though. Tylenol,a day of the b.r.a.t diet and some electrolytes fixed her right up. Don't you love it when you nurse them and it works....FAST!
Night all. XOXO.

OH NO! Almost left without pictures !

Look - Triplets !! Lol.

Day one is done!

Okay, so I survived my first day back to work. I actually felt okay about it. I have to thank Ms. Olivia who's many explosive diarrhea episodes over the last two days kinda of made going back to work sound somewhat refreshing, lol. It's nasty people, she doesn't wear diapers or pull-ups...underwear!, blech!

Getting to sleep early wasn't very hard either. When I was pregnant with Chance I worked 10pm-4am at Target and I remember trying to get to bed early so I would get enough sleep and I would just lay there with my eyes squeezed shut for about 2 hours. Same thing with naps, I have never been able to nap. Well, that has all changed now that I have the three energy drainers. I was SO ready for bed last night. Still, by the time I had everything ready for work, their clothes laid out, all three sets of teeth brushed, PJs on and in bed it was 10 o'clock. I think I got about 4.5 hours. Tonight I'm turning in a little earlier, hopefully by 9:30 *fingers crossed* and I don't think I need to get up at 3am. If I have my clothes all laid out and coffee pot ready I only need about 15 minutes to get up and out the door.

The women I'm working with are all nice. They seem a little clueless though. By the time my eight hours was up, they were asking me questions, lmao. It's been 8 and 6 years since I've worked at Target. I guess it's like riding a bike. I shop there all the time so that helps too; I know where everything is.

So, I'm off at Target on Friday, it will be my first day at job number two. I work there all weekend, blah. I figure if I work 40 hours at Target and 25-30 at Just Fresh I will bring home almost $200 more than I made at PCA. Of course it was in 40 hours, I'm making $2 less an hour. But, I have do it long anough to get caught up then I'm cutting back.....if I last that long.
If anyone has contacts I'm always on the look out for work at home or clerical/admin. work !!

The lady that reviewed my resume said I need to get a resume email. She said "wackymommy" doesn't sound professional. I don't know why ?! hehe. I guess I never thought over it before. I mean, that last place I worked the people were so laid back and I talked about the kids all the time. I don't really want to work for stiffs that wouldn't hire someone because their email addy says they are a wackymommy. That's how the game is played though....humph.

I just told Chance he could sleep in my bed tonight. I'm a sucker. He's going to watch the Lion King which will surely put me to sleep ;) Um....I have to go now, another explosive diarrhea episode has just occured.....

Ok, I'm back. Not in bed by 9:30 obviously. I'm still trying to get all my pics up. Here are a few more.




Statue of a The Anheuser-Busch Clydesdale


Another with "Shamu", Chance flashing his false smile, lol.



There is a huge M&M store at the mall, these are outside the entrance:



as you can see Olivia is not wearing the same clothes as her sister and her pic was taken in the dark. This is due to the fact that she peed her pants before her picture could be taken and I had to buy her a new outfit and take it on the way out *rolls eyes*




Just random pics from our vacation:








That's all folks !! Leave me comments so I know I'm not just talking to myself =D